My pregnancies have been very similar when it comes to the physical side of things, but lately I’ve been reflecting on just how different my emotional state is with this pregnancy. When I first learned I was pregnant with Aliyah, I researched and read to the point of over doing it. I scared myself with every “what if” scenario and added unnecessary stress by reading about unusual and rare pregnancy conditions. I was so happy to be pregnant but fearful of everything that could possibly go wrong. At times, I felt out of control of the process and let myself get worked up over the things I had no ability to manage.
This time, I have settled into a quiet confidence with my body. I know what it is capable of creating - as my happy, smiling girl is proof of that every day. And so this go round, I’ve allowed myself to just enjoy being pregnant without falling victim to the stress and anxiety (for the most part). I watch as my belly grows and feel those familiar aches and pains of a rapidly stretching body and instead of fearing the worst, I know that every thing is going right.
With my first, I had a great need to have every single thing ready before she arrived. I stock piled supplies (some of which we still haven’t used up) and insisted that every blanket and outfit and baby gadget needed for her first 6 months of life be acquired in advance. When she arrived, I was surprised with just how few things you really need for a newborn.
Having sweet baby # 2 fairly close behind Aliyah is a blessing because we have almost everything we need. We have bunches of adorable baby girl clothes, a stroller, a carseat and baby tubs ready to go... and I don’t feel a sense of wild urgency in gathering the rest. I’m okay with allowing another month to go by until we find the time to rearrange the nursery.
Everything about this pregnancy feels more relaxed and less rushed despite the fact that my life is much more complicated and busy now. I have started my own business. I no longer sleep in on the weekends. I spend large chunks of my time at home chasing around a toddler and washing clothes and grocery shopping. I rarely have an open-ended day to spend planning and preparing and yet, I am absolutely certain that it will all get done and this baby girl will have all she needs.
The hardest part of this journey still lies ahead of me - giving birth to my second daughter and then learning to care for her individual needs. I know where my next set of challenges lie. In the meantime, I’m enjoying the calm that comes with the familiar experience of growing a child and the confidence I’ve discovered in myself - It may not last forever, but it sure feels good right now.
It’s a very welcomed peace. Just like the old saying goes - with experience comes wisdom and that wisdom is serving me well.
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