How Do I Deserve All This?

Sometimes the feeling consumes my whole being.

Gratitude. head to toe.

Last night as Aliyah slept in the other room and Tyler dozed on the couch around me, I sat downstairs and listened.

All of the lights were off except one. You could hear the faintest bit of traffic zipping by on the other side of the homes across from the main street. Far away, someone slammed a car door. The dogs slept at Tyler's feet.

It felt like the entire world was still and I was there, with my feet tucked under the blanket, staring up at the ceiling when the feeling hit me.

I am so grateful for all of this.

I have asked God more times than I can ever count why he chose to give me this life. I certainly am not worthy. Not in the least. This family. These friends. The opportunities. My beautiful husband, and that precious, precious baby girl.

Nothing I have ever done warrants the gifts that have been bestowed upon me.

I have wished a hundred times that there was a word deeper than LOVE. and lately I find myself wishing over and over for a word greater than THANKFULNESS.

My life is not glamorous. I will never be the most beautiful, the most creative, the wealthiest. I am as imperfect as they come. But somehow, despite my flaws, this little life of mine is heavy with Grace.

... and I find myself on so many occasions, sitting on the couch (or in the car or in bed or any number of other places) with my head spinning - wondering just how I’ll ever be worthy of so much.

Thank you for this life.

(Softball) World Series

A hot dog at the ball park is better than steak at the Ritz

~Humphrey Bogart

(sorry about the crazy double-jointed thumb - yikes!)

(the bow helped the hat stay on)

(the cheerleaders - go daddy!!!)

Sneak Peek

I’ve been thinking about Aliyah's Halloween costume since... oh... about mid August. (kind of sad, I know) I’ve always loved dressing up for halloween but now that she’s here, I’ve turned all of my excitement into planning what she should be. However, my brother and his wife are throwing a Halloween party this Saturday night so we all need costumes. Tyler and I are dressing up to match with what I have been working on for little AL...

Can you guess what the Inzer family is going to be for Halloween this year? I just have to pick up a few more things to complete our costumes - I am getting excited! Here are some hints:

mmmmmmm... what do you think? I had so much fun finding these pictures!

Keep Growing. Don't Change.

It won’t be like this for long, Darius Rucker

We don’t really listen to new country music but somehow while browsing for something to listen to the other day in the car this song came on.

Before I knew it, I was sobbing big heavy sobs while trying to keep my car between the white lines.

I feel like watching this little girl grow up is both awe-inspiring and heartbreaking. We as parents put so much hope and faith and energy into raising up our children, helping them grow... and yet, to watch it in real time... all I want to do is beg her stay just like she is in this moment.

keep growing. don’t change. keep growing. don’t change.

I really couldn’t have understood it until I became a parent... that deep-in-your-soul-pride that comes with every milestone your child reaches and the achey realization that you can’t go back and you can’t hold on... our only option is up and out and forward. it’s a blessed hurt.

Money Saving Monday

Getting Organized:

This is a picture of my coupon book - crazy, I know! This is pretty much a replica of my friend Carrie's coupon binder so I cannot take any credit for how I organize. She has taught me all about the ways of getting amazing deals. Although, I do take great satisfaction in color coordinated tabs and living by the "everything has a place" motto...

The Breakdown:

1. Misc items I keep in the binder... scissors, highlighter, pen, note cards and calculator

2. I added a clear zip pocket to hold loose coupons that I have clipped but haven't had time to organize

3. I use photo page protectors to organize each store for shopping trips. I keep the store card, grocery lists, receipts and the coupons that I pulled to use during the current week's trip

4. I use baseball card page protectors to organize every coupon

5. I use 2 folders to keep the coupons that I haven't cut yet as well as extra envelopes. I have 5 envelopes labeled: medical - diapers/formula - glade - febreze - airwick. This is b/c there are SO many of these coupons. I don't usually use these items but do not want to throw them away just in case there is a deal when I could get one for free. FYI: when I get items for free that I don't use, I donate them to local charity/homeless shelters

6. I use different colored tabs to make it easier to find and organize every coupon.

GREEN (personal care)
shampoo/conditioner
hair products
soap/body wash
lotion
make-up
deodorant
feminine products
toothbrush
toothpaste/mouthwash
shaving

BLUE (household)
toilet paper
paper towels
dishwashing
laundry
cleaning
kitchen products
baby
pets
kleenex
batteries/light bulbs

YELLOW (most food items)
cereal
breakfast
cooking
baking
soup
canned food
dry food
salad dressing
condiments
chips/crackers
snacks
drinks

RED (cold foods plus bakery items)
bakery
produce
dairy
yogurt
refridgerated
frozen
meats

WHITE (anything else)
eating out
sweet treats
crafts
clothing
entertainment
services
car
outdoor
seasonal
online

Dudes With Beards and Baby Carriers are H-O-T

Friends Don't Let Friends Fat Talk

Way to go my Tri Delta sisters! What a fabulous idea...

Starting today I will do my part to be fat talk free. How AWESOME would it be when my teenage Aliyah and I are shopping and she hears me say (while trying on jeans) "heck yeah - I look amazing!" hehe... Of course I will tell her the same thing when she is in the fitting room!

The Breastfeeding Post I Never Wrote

(please enjoy this totally unrelated but adorable photo)

I never wrote a post about my experience breastfeeding because I felt guilty.

I felt guilty because my experience breastfeeding was nothing at all like the horror stories I read again and again as I perused baby message boards and blogs before Aliyah was born. I knew I wanted to breast feed her... I hoped and prayed my body would be able to do so... but I also carried a fearful anticipation of the pain that everyone said would come along with nourishing my daughter with breastmilk.

During our breastfeeding class, our instructor asked us to raise our hand if we thought breastfeeding would hurt - everyone (including the boys) raised their hands. As the night went on, we learned about getting a good latch and other helpful hints and she asked us all again if we believed her when she told us that it doesn't have to hurt... we nodded our heads hopefully, but I still couldn't shake all the doubt that had built up over the many stories I heard & articles I read.

While still in the hospital, I hung on every word the lactation consultant said to me. I obsessively checked to ensure that Aliyah's mouth was positioned just as instructed, smothered myself with lanolin (just in case) and then... I waited for the pain to begin.

and it didn’t.

I had my gel ice packs and extra tubes of lanolin ready to go. The engorgement and crazy firehose milk spraying came and went but I was still waiting for the pain. A week in, I was still holding my breath, wondering when I would get the cracked and bleeding nipples that everyone promised me.

Two weeks and I was still wondering when it would start.

Three weeks in and I stopped putting on the lanolin and still never found a need for the ice packs... I begin to let my breath out little by little. My friends with children would inquire (with a note of sympathy in their voices) “How are you adjusting to breastfeeding?” and I’d say “Oh, it’s going pretty good.” I was ashamed to say “It’s freaking awesome - I actually love it! This is so much better than I thought it would be!” I wasn't told by very many that this could be a pleasant experience. It was supposed to be painful and complicated, and because it wasn’t - I knew I was seriously lucky and it made me feel guilty.

So I never wrote my post. Because I know that a lot of women face some real, serious challenges when it comes to breastfeeding. I’ve read stories and talked with women who have gone through a very difficult experience determined to provide nature’s most perfect food to their infants. I know women who never even got the chance to breastfeed because their milk didn’t come in or an illness prevented them from being able to do so.

But I also have friends who had the same easy experience I have had - and the more I thought on it - the more I decided that I should write this post. For those expectant moms out there who are holding the same fearful expectations of what is to come and only reading/hearing negative stories about how things go in the beginning - it might be challenging, it might be painful, but it very well might be that you can throw your lanolin and ice packs in the closet and forget all about them.

My name is Marcie and breastfeeding never hurt.

There. I said it.

(and I wish all pregnant readers the same fate)

A Very Special Day

The Dress: I searched for about a month to try and find the perfect dress for Aliyah to wear to her dedication ceremony. I looked on eBay, at antique malls, through Babies R Us racks and could not find anything that I felt would be perfect enough for this special occasion.

One day, Tyler was looking through Aliyah's closet (yes, I do let Tyler dress her sometimes) and he pulled out an old dress - recommending it for her dedication. I informed him that used to be mine when I was little and answered his recommendation with a noncommittal, "yeah... maybe"

Some how it got brought up again when I was on the phone with my mom. She was excited and told me, "That was the dress you wore when you were Christened." I shared this with Tyler and we knew from that moment forward we would have Aliyah in this dress for her dedication. (honestly I am not sure how a dedication and a Christening are different...maybe the same thing?) So... Aliyah wore the exact same dress I wore when I was Christened waaaaaaaay back in the day

Marcie 1982/83

Aliyah 2010

The Place: The campus minister at Baker, who conducted our marriage ceremony, led the dedication. We chose to hold her dedication in the campus chapel. It is a beautiful chapel originally built in 1864, brought over from Sproxton, England brick by brick after serving it's members for 124 years and then rededicated by Lady Marget Thatcher in 1996 (FYI: her father preached in the chapel when it was in England). Didn't know you were getting a history lesson today, did ya?

Baker holds a service at this chapel every Thursday at 11am. It is not mandatory, but there is no class during that time. I remember gathering at the chapel my freshman year on 9/11. We have used this chapel as a place to celebrate and a place to find comfort. A special place for us... and now for Aliyah

The Ceremony: It was such a blessing to have close friends and family to help us celebrate! Thanks for everyone who helped by taking pictures too.

The Celebration: Afterwards, we ate at a local restaurant and enjoyed good food and fellowship. It was very special to have Aliyah's Great-Grandpa (Bear) with us from New Orleans.

In Summary: a special day - filled with special people - surrounded by a very special meaning

Maple Leaf Weekend

This past weekend was just wonderful... Aliyah attended her first Maple Leaf Festival in Baldwin City - the 3rd weekend in October when a small town is filled to the brim with craft booths, turkey legs, parade floats and carnival rides. One of my favorite times of the year. Starting with my freshman year at Baker University, I have been every fall. Since Tyler's parents live there, we have a prime parking spot and tons of wonderful home-made eats. This is how Aliyah celebrated Maple Leaf:

On Sunday, Aliyah caught a little bit of the Chief's game with Dad, played with the dogs and had a beautiful infant dedication ceremony in the Baker University's campus chapel... more on that tomorrow...

Money Saving Monday

Who put this spider on my head?

If you are clipping coupons, then you know how sad it can be to throw away the piles of expired coupons that you have taken the time to clip/organize. I have been going through my coupon book at the begining of each month and pulling all the old coupons for the trash... sad

I just came across this website - Overseas Coupon Program - This is a fantastic way to help our troops, not-to-mention, also makes getting rid of expired coupons a happier experience :)

What is OCP?
Our program serves military families by assisting you to forward "manufacturer's coupons" to overseas military bases. These bundles of coupons are placed on tables, at the PX and Commissary, or handed out for use by military members and families on base. This helps the family save valuable dollars and stretch their budget.

A Fun Day in Kansas City

Just for fun, Aliyah dressed up in (one of) her cute Halloween outfits and decided to surprise her "grandmas" at work this week.

First Stop: Krispy Kreme - We couldn't come empty handed!

... Plus it matched our Halloween motif:

Second Stop: YaYa's work - we were happy to catch her before she had to go in for surgery... she is the best vet in town!

Third Stop: Grammy's work - we got to meet a lot of Grammy's friends! She is so good at helping those kiddos... that school is lucky to have her!

Fourth Stop: Ms Meyer's Classroom (she is a super-fun 1st grade teacher!) We found Grandpa in her classroom... wait a minute...

This is not Grandpa! Turns out, Ms Meyer's first grade class thinks that "Ron" is a good name for a pumpkin - we couldn't pass on the photo op. Thanks Lindsay letting us interrupt and for being such an amazing photographer! ... I hope we didn't confuse Aliyah.

We grabbed a quick sandwich for lunch - stopped next door to say "hi" to Aunt Jillian at the hardware store - and Aliyah and I were off again. Before we went home, we browsed the Mission Road Antique Mall:

Aliyah tested out this mini wicker rocking chair and came home with a Raggedy Ann doll, some wooden blocks and a few other small treasures. We had such a great day spending time with some pretty amazing women in our lives. The beautiful weather made it all the merrier!

(note: I think it is adorable that the "grandmas" (candy & sandy - too cute) both took very similar pictures... this was not planned)

Feeling Presidential

Aliyah received her very first letter in the mail (hospital bills don't count) from some very important people... the president of the United States and the first lady. She seemed to be pretty pleased by it all:

Sweet, Sweet Mornings

No matter how bad the nights may be, when morning comes and the light pours through the blinds and she is all smiles and chubby-legged stretches - the weary, sleep deprived frustration melts away and I am filled to the brim with her loveliness.

There is nothing better than those first morning minutes, when we all lay in bed and smile at one another. I try to wake up just a little bit earlier than normal every morning so that I can enjoy this time when Tyler brings Aliyah to our bed - with all three of us together before Tyler has to head off to work... then Aliyah and I snuggle up and drift back to sleep for another hour or so.

The days that I wear bags under my eyes and can’t stop myself from yawning repeatively - I am leaning on the sweetness of the first 20 minutes of my day.

JOY

Watching the rescue of the Chilean miners - what a rush of joy! A true blessing and I am celebrating along with the rest of the world today

Autumn

I absolutely LOVE fall... the smells, colors and cooler temperatures make it hard to stay indoors. The first leaves of fall are beginning to litter our yard, and there are many pumpkin patches in the area that are filled with a variety of gourds.

Aliyah, Grammy and I decided to take a day trip to Weston, MO last week. Even though we found out that our very favorite restaurant (Avalon Cafe) is closed on Mondays, we still found some good eats and had a great time at the Red Barn Farm.