The Breastfeeding Post I Never Wrote

(please enjoy this totally unrelated but adorable photo)

I never wrote a post about my experience breastfeeding because I felt guilty.

I felt guilty because my experience breastfeeding was nothing at all like the horror stories I read again and again as I perused baby message boards and blogs before Aliyah was born. I knew I wanted to breast feed her... I hoped and prayed my body would be able to do so... but I also carried a fearful anticipation of the pain that everyone said would come along with nourishing my daughter with breastmilk.

During our breastfeeding class, our instructor asked us to raise our hand if we thought breastfeeding would hurt - everyone (including the boys) raised their hands. As the night went on, we learned about getting a good latch and other helpful hints and she asked us all again if we believed her when she told us that it doesn't have to hurt... we nodded our heads hopefully, but I still couldn't shake all the doubt that had built up over the many stories I heard & articles I read.

While still in the hospital, I hung on every word the lactation consultant said to me. I obsessively checked to ensure that Aliyah's mouth was positioned just as instructed, smothered myself with lanolin (just in case) and then... I waited for the pain to begin.

and it didn’t.

I had my gel ice packs and extra tubes of lanolin ready to go. The engorgement and crazy firehose milk spraying came and went but I was still waiting for the pain. A week in, I was still holding my breath, wondering when I would get the cracked and bleeding nipples that everyone promised me.

Two weeks and I was still wondering when it would start.

Three weeks in and I stopped putting on the lanolin and still never found a need for the ice packs... I begin to let my breath out little by little. My friends with children would inquire (with a note of sympathy in their voices) “How are you adjusting to breastfeeding?” and I’d say “Oh, it’s going pretty good.” I was ashamed to say “It’s freaking awesome - I actually love it! This is so much better than I thought it would be!” I wasn't told by very many that this could be a pleasant experience. It was supposed to be painful and complicated, and because it wasn’t - I knew I was seriously lucky and it made me feel guilty.

So I never wrote my post. Because I know that a lot of women face some real, serious challenges when it comes to breastfeeding. I’ve read stories and talked with women who have gone through a very difficult experience determined to provide nature’s most perfect food to their infants. I know women who never even got the chance to breastfeed because their milk didn’t come in or an illness prevented them from being able to do so.

But I also have friends who had the same easy experience I have had - and the more I thought on it - the more I decided that I should write this post. For those expectant moms out there who are holding the same fearful expectations of what is to come and only reading/hearing negative stories about how things go in the beginning - it might be challenging, it might be painful, but it very well might be that you can throw your lanolin and ice packs in the closet and forget all about them.

My name is Marcie and breastfeeding never hurt.

There. I said it.

(and I wish all pregnant readers the same fate)