My earliest memory is somewhere around the age of 4 years old. It’ll probably take a few years before your memories begin to really hang on and follow you into your adult years.
Sometimes, when I think of all that we will do together in the next few years, it saddens me a bit that most of those experiences will move through you and away without staying.
I try to remind myself that each experience, whether it turns to memory or not, becomes the foundation of the soul - the building blocks for who we are as individuals. I’m absolutely certain that true joy is a sticky thing. That the happiest of our experiences will seep into the cracks of your being and stay forever. Even though the bulk of it will only be remembered through what your father and I preserve for you in photos and stories - we know that we are shaping the woman you will one day become.
We strive to build a solid foundation of your self everyday. Filling in your character with layer upon layer of adventure and love... And we watch with swelling pride as our sticky joy flows from the deepest recesses of our hearts and makes a home in you.
This is a post for Tyler. Who spent the majority of his Sunday evening arranging & rearranging, hanging and moving things around in order to fit our tree in the living room and fill our home with Christmas magic.
This is a thank you for saying “Sit down and relax, I’ve got her” when Aliyah stirred in her crib at bedtime. This is a thank you for making a pan of cinnamon rolls and two cups of hot chocolate while I was busy hanging the ornaments on the tree. Thank you for taking a break from listening to sports radio to sing and dance to Christmas songs with me.
This is a thank you for your patience, your sweet gentleness with both of the girls in your life, and for keeping my burdens light.
A little light has been rekindled in me this year. One that I lost somewhere in high school. The magic of the holidays. The true magic. More than the lights and smells and the music. The head to toe excitement that used to over take me somewhere around Thanksgiving and last until my head hit the pillow after ringing in the new year.
Having Aliyah has brought it all back tenfold. Everything about celebrating Christmas with her this year has me nearly bubbling over. I’ve been searching for the perfect Christmas dress for months, I’ve been dreaming putting up our Christmas tree and looking forward to Christmas morning - seeing Ali in her new Christmas jammies exploring all of the goodies from Santa.
I have waited to start decorating and playing music until after Thanksgiving so that we can truly enjoy and take in this holiday as well. Today we head towards Baldwin in the morning to enjoy a feast with tons of little ones running around at Tyler's aunts house and then in the afternoon we travel back to Kansas City to celebrate a quiet dinner at my parent's house with the possibility of family games to wrap up the evening.
I am so excited for the weekend - to put up the decorations we purchased on our first Christmas as husband and wife and the many others we have collected along the way.
I feel so grateful to have found this holiday spirit again. It sounds completely corny, I know, but it’s true! What a gift it will be to hang her stocking there on the mantle between ours - A symbol of our growing family. I cannot wait to experience the joy and celebration of the holiday season through Aliyah Jacquelyn’s eyes.
I have a feeling it just keeps getting better every year as she becomes more aware of the magic of the holidays!
On the elevated train that travels through Chicago
We used the stroller one day and found that putting Aliyah in the carrier allowed us to get to places easier/faster - Aliyah loved being snuggled up with us
Chicago City Market
Lincoln Park Zoo
Planetarium
Where's Waldo? A fun picture Tyler took - if you look closer, you can see Tyler and Aliyah's reflection in a shiny silver ball
At lunch in Macy's at Frontera Fresco (wonderful Mexican food by Rick Bayless) I thought it was cute Tyler and Aliyah had on Christmas colors. Sorry for the crappy cell phone pic
On the 7 hour train ride home from Chicago, I sat next to Aliyah and watched as she began to stir a bit and slowly open her eyes after a nap. Her gaze locked on my face and a she shot me an ear to ear grin. I smiled back at her and stuck two of my fingers right on the edge of her carseat and wiggled them, in a second, she had her chubby little fingers wrapped around mine and we just sat there, smiling away. Neither of us had made a sound since she opened her eyes, but there was so much communicated between us in that moment. Even at 6 months old, I have no doubt she knew exactly how her mama felt about her.
Sometimes I feel like there is an invisible line that stretches from her heart to mine. Like a paper cup telephone, whispering our thoughts back and forth. And there is no grander feeling, than watching those little wordless moments unfold just as I had wished them.
We are here. We are happy. We are very very tired. Our friend Nick is such an amazing host, and we have been discussing big plans for the rest of this week over a huge stuffed deep dish pizza - that thing was crazy good!! (not like any pizza you can find in Kansas)
Aliyah did amazing on the train. Here is a sweet picture I snapped on my cell phone as we were headed out of Kansas City on our train.
We are headed to Chicago early this morning to spend a few days with friends. It is going to be a blast! We have our train tickets in one hand and everything else crammed into over-stuffed suitcases in the other.
We weren't sure what the weather conditions would be, so... with a lot of awesome attractions outside and with Chicago carrying the title "the windy city" we wanted to be prepared. Here is the overwhelmingly cute and fuzzy snow suit that is packed for our little girl:
Grammy and I picked this up for her last week and were able to snag a couple pictures while Aliyah modeled it for us. I really thought she was going to get hot, upset and cry, but she loved it - such an easy going gal
Our back deck has become one of my favorite parts of our home. Since this spring, after cashing in our Christmas present from last year (patio furniture) we have spent a lot of time out there - Sitting and listening and watching the busy world hurry on around us.
It feels good to be purposefully still when life moves so fast.
SIDE NOTE: I was able to fix the video I posted yesterday and add to the audio. I was bummed I didn't figure it out until the end of the day...
I recently got an email from an expecting mom/friend asking about books I read and other helpful things I did to learn how to take care of Aliyah. We took a 5 week birthing class that included one night of infant care, but other than that, I wasn't really sure how to answer her question.
I did so much research and preparation regarding having a healthy pregnancy and a successful birth that when Aliyah arrived, I realized I hadn’t done nearly enough to prepare for actually caring for her. At the hospital we watched EVERYTHING the nurses did to Aliyah in case there was something we had forgotten that we were supposed to do!
The good news is - for the most part, mothering has been completely instinctual. I’ve followed my gut on what is right for Aliyah. A lot of people will swear by feeding methods and sleep schedules - I tried that for about 1/2 day and almost went nuts! We decided to let Aliyah guide us in what she needed. When she was hungry, she cried and we fed her. When she was sleepy, she slept! We also tried to fit her into our lifestyle instead of shutting down everything we’d known before her and trying to create something new. We went for walks around the neighborhood, we went to lunch and dinner with her nestled close to me in my wrap/sling, we tried to live life as normally as possible. Babies are more adaptable than I think we give them credit for. As long as she was full, had a clean diaper, and was warm and cozy - she was pretty much happy to go anywhere... and still is!
The things I haven’t known through instinct - I’ve learned through the women in my family, or our pediatrician, or I’ve asked the advice of friends with children... And if they didn’t know - well good news - We are raising children in the age of Google (HALLELUJUAH!)
Don’t go into it worrying that you might “mess up” - None of us are capable of being the perfect parent. We’re all going to mess up and make mistakes and learn by trial and error. Do the best you can do and educate yourself as best you can and your little ones will be just fine.
I have been trying to savor this beautiful fall weather before I bring out the hot cocoa and fuzzy socks. On Tuesday this week Aliyah and I ventured out - her in the stroller and me in my jogging shoes. I walked/jogged to lunch as Aliyah took in the sights and my out-of-breath-singing from her canvas buggy.
As I finished my sandwich, Ali decided it was time for a nap: I decided to walk the long way home, taking in what I love most about autumn... the smells, colors and the not too hot/not too cold feel to the air. It was peacefully quiet except for an occasional squeal from a kid playing outside at recess.
All the beautiful scenery and this one is still my favorite
a BIG thank you to all (past present and future) soldiers - and a happy Veteran's Day to you! These are two amazing men in my family who are currently serving our country: We miss you guys and love you very much!!!
The other day Aliyah was playing in her boppy pillow. She had a pile of toys around her, but ended up fascinated by the huge tag attached to the side (she has a thing for tags these days). Grammy thinks she likes the tags because she is into reading... maybe. What ever she is doing with those tags must be exhausting.
PS the huge tag that she would not let out of her grip (even when I tried to move her in a more comfortable position) says - not for sleeping - she is such a little rebel
EEEK! I am a little late posting today... it's been a busy but fun weekend! Here are a few pictures of the shower for Baby Chase and his wonderful mommy:
All those toys and a mason jar lid is her favorite thing to chew on:
The Grandma-to-be and our awesome friend Megan:
Beautiful Amy:
After spending the weekend in the presence of my adorable 8 month pregnant friend, and watching her constantly run her hands over her belly, I starting reminiscing on what my favorite things were about being pregnant. While I love not having to pee every ten seconds, sleeping on my stomach, and fitting into my favorite dresses - there are a few things that I really miss:
1. Feeling Aliyah move in my belly every time I laid down to sleep
2. Having perfect strangers smile at me constantly and offer congratulations
3. Those awesomely comfortable maternity jean waistbands (especially as I think about Thanksgiving & Christmas gatherings coming up).
4. Constantly wondering what she would look like and whose features she’d inherit
5. I always got a kick out of reading my weekly email about how Aliyah was growing & how it compared her size to a piece of fruit/vegetable
A compilation of mothers and what they would tell themselves if they could go back to just before their child was born -- I thought tonight I’d take a moment to write the Marcie I no longer am. The Marcie who thought she knew the capacity of her heart, but really had no idea what was waiting for her.
Dear Myself,
In a very short time, you will prove to yourself that you are braver and more capable than you have ever given yourself credit for. Your body will experience pain and euphoria the magnitude of which is currently unimaginable. But you will do it - you will find that place inside you where the purest form of your courage lives and you will cling to it when the doubt rips at your core. Your body will do it, your heart will do it, your mind will do it - You Will Do It.
It will take weeks for it to truly sink in that she belongs to you. Despite sleep deprivation, the fear of not knowing what the heck you are doing in those first weeks and months will keep you awake for hours into the night, just staring at her, praying to God to give you the resources and abilities to figure it all out.
Don’t be afraid to lean on your family. They’re there to help and you’ll need them. You’ll learn to love Tyler in a new way too. Everything you loved about him as a husband will be multiplied by a thousand when you watch him leap with his whole heart into becoming a father.
Your thoughts on a million different topics will change drastically. What makes you happy. What constitutes as a successful day. What others think. How much sleep you need to function. What you believe to be your strengths and your weaknesses. What’s important. What’s not. Don't be scared when people tell you "everything is about to change." - It is a good thing.
All those times you said “When I have a baby, I will never...” sometimes you will eat those words monthly, weekly, daily.
People tell you that you have no idea what love is until you hold your child in your arms. And right now you nod your head and smile... but inside you believe you have a pretty good idea. Soon enough - there she will be - her brand new skin against yours. The first rise and falls of her breathing against your ribcage - And you will realize that they were all right. absolutely right. You had no idea. not a clue.
When the dust from all of this starts to settle, the girl looking back in the mirror will be the same. She’ll still have the same annoying habits, the same faults, but she’ll learn something about herself that you don’t know yet... despite your many flaws and shortcomings, you turn out to be a heck of a good mother. Know it, take pride in it. You’ll still find yourself praying to God constantly for guidance, but have faith that on this journey you’ll find your way.
Love, The Eventual You
(What would you tell yourself in those last weeks before you became a parent?)
Tyler and I went to a lot of sneak peek movies with my aunts before the sweet babe. This is how it works: You get a FREE movie ticket, but then you have to show up early to wait in line so you can get into the theatre and then wait longer for the movie to start. So you can see how this is not a good plan with little ones - not to mention the "don't spoil the movie by adding your own soundtrack" rule.
yesterday we went to the movies. yup. all three of us.
This was a very last minute situation. I knew that my aunts were headed to AMC to watch "Tangled" - My mom called to invite us after she saw many other babies/toddles/kiddos wandering around the theatre.
Tyler had a bit of a rough day, so we thought it would be nice to get out and do something fun together. We decided that if Aliyah got upset we would just be prepared to leave early. Plus, since nobody actually paid for a ticket I felt like we could get away with running out of the theatre with a screaming baby if we had to.
I give Aliyah 5 stars!! She was such a rock star. The movie was in 3D and she even watched some of it in her baby 3D glasses (SO cute) She had plenty of awesome family members to love on her which she totally loved.
I cannot believe that I haven't posted pictures from Aliyah's first zoo trip yet! Grammy, Daddy, Aliyah and I all went to the Kansas City Zoo at the beginning of October - a much anticipated event.
Tyler and I talked all summer about showing Ali the animals for the first time, riding the carousel & train and eating popcorn as we teach Aliyah what each animal "says" - Tyler has been very excited and finally was able to take a half-day to show his little girl all around the zoo.
...of course we dressed her for the occasion
She matched her carousel animal
She loved it... however, there is not much this girl doesn't love!
Giraffes seemed to be the theme of the day
daddy/daughter love...
He wanted to show her EVERYTHING (it was seriously adorable)
Snakes!
We saw the new polar bear exhibit
Aliyah snuck in lots of snuggle time with Grammy
Kisses
Another great trip. Sandwiches for a picnic lunch, beautiful fall weather and a super fun family makes for a pretty fantastic day at the zoo.
